Last Updated on August 6, 2024 by Nasir Hanif
How many times have you heard the rich and famous lamenting the fact that they were never “the popular girl / boy at school” ? Sad, right? Although growing up to be a millionaire megastar probably makes up for it – but what about the rest of us mere mortals?
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What’s Wrong With Me?
If you feel unliked, this is no doubt a question you’ve asked yourself more often than you care to admit.
Feeling unliked is confusing and hurtful and can chip away at your self-esteem until even you don’t like you! Likeability is important whether you’re an A Lister or an accountant and so, in this article, we’re sharing some tips to boost your likeability without becoming a fake. First, however, let’s take a look at some factors that make somebody likable – or not.
What likeable people have in common
It’s commonly thought that likable people tend to share some common traits and for sure, some of these are:
- Ability (and willingness) to listen
- An interest in others
- Generosity
- Empathy
- Kindness
- Genuineness
What unlikeable people have in common…
So, what might potentially make somebody unlikeable? We’re not talking movie villain here, more just some characteristics that might turn people off, including:
- Self obsession / self importance
- Unkindness
- Greed / meanness
- Thoughtlessness
Working On Your Likability
While likeability may seem to (unfairly) come naturally to some people, this doesn’t mean that it’s not something you can nurture and improve.
In fact, you can take a course on how to be more likeable like the one we’ve seen from ZandaX, who are specialists in online personal development courses.
But back to the article, and in this section, we’re looking at a few ways in which you can become more likable without losing your personality:
Inbuilt traits
You’ll remember that we’ve already mentioned a few things that might make a person unlikeable (and if you skipped over that bit, that’s a whole ‘nother problem!) Your first task is to see if you can recognise any of these traits in yourself!
Often, we pick up character traits from our parents and / or our upbringing – things we may therefore not notice in ourselves. For example; an only child who received exclusive attention and adoration from their parents may grow up to be a little self-centered…
Examining your behavior (however uncomfortable that may be) is the first step to identifying characteristics that might be putting others off).
The shyness barrier
In some cases, a lack of likeability is not necessarily due to negative traits but down to simple shyness. While shyness might be adorable in a four year old, it can be damaging for an adult – particularly if it’s in a professional environment.
If this sounds familiar, the good news is that it really is fixable. First, it’s a great idea to take a test on your communication skills to see how you get on as this will give you a foundation to build on. After this, you can start taking baby steps to improve your communication with others.
This can be as simple as asking somebody at work about their weekend plans or striking up a conversation with somebody at a bus stop. Not gonna lie, it’s going to be a bit scary at first but it does get easier as you keep going.
Hidden talents
Whoever you are – and whatever you do – there’s a very good chance that you have strengths and talents which you may not have revealed to others; either socially or professionally.
It’s time for that to change. While it may not feel like it right now, you absolutely do have something to offer and this can be as easy as:
- Offering to help a colleague with a tricky task which speaks to your strengths
- Volunteering for something that interests you
- Becoming a mentor within your workplace
- Endeavouring to only make positive comments
- Asking others questions about themselves (and resisting the urge to one-up them with a story about yourself)
Potholes To Avoid On Your Likeability Journey
When it comes to making a likability shift, it takes time, and there are some things you need to avoid, including:
- Likeability as a transaction – While offering to pay for lunch or drinks and buying gifts might give you a popularity boost, this is likely to be temporary and certainly won’t gain you any respect. Don’t buy friendship!
- The buddy bludgeon – Although it’s great to start a conversation or suggest plans, it’s important to read the room and avoid becoming a pest. The idea is to present yourself as a straight shooter, not a stalker!
- Stay the same person – It’s true that we’ve talked about changing some of the behaviors that may be help your likeability but that doesn’t mean you should create a whole new persona: it will come across as fake. Don’t try too hard!
- Don’t expect miracles – Changing your likeability and building new relationships won’t happen overnight, but you will see results if you keep going. So don’t give up if you don’t see immediate results.
A Helping Hand
When it comes to being liked, you don’t have to be the funniest, the cleverest or the best looking in the room (although it may sometimes seem that way). As we’ve shown in this article, being unliked is a temporary state which can be changed if you’re prepared to work at it.
Whether shyness or a few negative traits are to blame, it’s more than possible to turn things around and become a new and better you.
Good luck with your journey!
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