It is good to be a nice person who is helpful and productive. Kindness and compassion are actually good traits to have, no doubt. However, everything is good in moderation. When your need to make others happy becomes overwhelming, it then draws into the category of people pleasing.
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Who are people-pleasers?
People-pleasing is when you go above and beyond to help others. In your endeavor to help others — who by the way, are not always in need of help– you neglect yourself.
Moreover, people-pleasers put others before themselves. They cannot say no, no matter how unwilling they are to do the chore. Unfortunately, they also then are prone to emotional abuse and manipulation, leading to problems like emotional depletion, stress, and anxiety.
Many people act so to seek validation from others. They try to make people love them by appeasing them in dispensing them favors, often at their own expense. This is not a healthy state to be in, as the trait of people pleasing takes toll on mental health. To get out of this habit, follow the tips below alongside seeking help from mental health expert via oladoc.com
How to stop being a people pleaser?
Know you have a choice
Some people are conditioned to always be the ones nurturing, always being the saviors, always being self-less. However, while those grand emotions are important, but that too, in a limit.
You do not have to always take it upon yourself to save the situation. Know that you have the choice to say no, always.
Love in yourself
Many a times, people pleasing stems from low self-esteem. People do not consider themselves important enough to turn others down, whereas others do not have enough confidence to say know. Those seeking validation from others do not say something from the fear of abandonment, using their people pleasing skills to keep others happy.
However, this is extremely unhealthy outlook, that is not just bad for your behavioral but emotional health as well.
Therefore, start to love and value yourself. When you know you deserve love and friendships, not because of the service you may provide but because you matter, simply, you will also have lesser need to placate others.
It may be hard, but it is vital that you establish boundaries. When there is a lack of boundaries, people will trample all over you, demand more from you, and your already meek self will not be able to resist.
Therefore, set boundaries. Let people around you know that you are not their minion, albeit with kindness.
You may then notice a change around you, as those who were simply using you as a service start to disappear but consider this a good riddance.
There are masters of manipulation who are able to sniff your people pleasing traits. They are dangerous people who manipulate and control others for their own good. A common modus operandi of such people is using compliments to flatter, effusively so.
Recognize such toxic manipulation traits, and steer clear of such people if you cannot outrightly say no to their demands on you.
It’s not easy to abandon years of habit. Rather than overwhelming yourself and giving up altogether, take small steps. Instead of outrightly saying no, delay giving a response by asking for time. Inform the person when you are available and for how long instead of blanket commitment. Small gestures like this will give you courage to say no, period.
While you can take Tylenol for physical ache and get instant relief, mental issues are more nuanced. Even if you recognize yourself as a people pleaser, and want to change, your conditioning may have made a complicated situation that then requires expert intervention. Thus, be open to the idea of seeking help from a Psychiatrist in Islamabad